So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
even my farts smell like vagina
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
