Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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