I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
