I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
