ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
