i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
