what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
