After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
