I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
