All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
