i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
