It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
