I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
