new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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