I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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