Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's Friday. Sex?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
