Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
