So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize