I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
