So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its not stalking. its research.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
