THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
