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omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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