You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
