im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
