Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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