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apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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