whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
