So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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