Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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