you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
