im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
