so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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