Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
