no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize