You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
