Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
