Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
