I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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