It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
