When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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