It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My balls are so social today.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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