meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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