i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
