First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
