my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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