the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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