i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
