my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
