I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize