i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
