She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
