I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I skipped work to stalk him.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
