Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
