WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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