She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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