I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
