foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
