Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
