You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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