For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
