I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
