Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
