Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
