the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
