Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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