either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
