at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
