my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize